.the dark room
.haunted past
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May 31, 2004
Met Noven and her friend Din at the Lucky Plaza bus stop on the way home. They are damn funny la can. There was this stupid woman on the bus who kept moving around in her seat and Din was so irritated with her. We wanted to burn her hair and like do tons of crap. Was laughing my ass off. Hahah.
Okay, yes I have absolutely nothing to blog about....
.jpg)
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It's like what Rik said, we're obviously on different pages of the book. You just don't see me in your plans. So why do I even bother? It's either I wait for you to turn the pages till you find me or I just shut the book and find another one. You probably don't even have the time to shut that book. It's probably lying around on that same page you've been stuck on. Maybe by chance, the wind might flip the pages right to where I might be on. But what are the chances of that happening? Unless you're willing to pick up the book again, nothing can be done. +sighs+ WHATEVER
Lord, why did you give me such a wonderful gift, only to take him away from me? I don't mean to question but at this point of time, I don't know what else to do. Yes, I must learn to rest that faith of mine in You. Maybe I just don't have enough faith +sighs+
Whatever! I'm tired. Sick and tired of this all. On to more "important" things. My tattoo! I decided to leave your name. Haha. Call me an idiot or whatever, I don't care. No one can change my mind. Hmmms. The problem is....... I don't know how to design it! Yup, point proven. Cheryl's one dumbass with no creativity! Kinda did one which I think is pretty nice if you split it up and look closely. But I bet everyone's gonna say it looks like "ceq" instead of what I want it to say. Lols
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May 30, 2004
手机慢慢沉睡，电话也打起瞌睡。
我们的照片也似乎蒙上了灰尘。
没有交集的目光，冰冷的空气，令我想要纳喊。
我没有，因为明白了，明白你的心已经没有我的位置。
明白分开是永远的句号，无法延续的终点。
不知你是否明白我，我所想要的结果，
明白我的不洒脱。
我清醒了，从回忆和麻痹中解脱。
我不会再流泪，不会再呢喃你的名，不会欺骗自己不可能的希望。
从明白中我亲手为我们的故事写下----THE END。
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I don't know. My prayers don't seem to be working. I tell Him that I've put everything into His hands and that I just wanna rest but somehow.... +sighs+
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Jia<<< Thanks. I dunno how I really really feel but I hope I'm ok too!
Anonymous<<< Hey, thanks for caring. Means alot :))
Sha<<< Hey babe, you take care too +hugs+
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May 29, 2004
THE FUCKING END
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May 28, 2004
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I don't get *you.
I really don't!
I should just go hide in my bed! Yes, I should!
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Everyday, it's You I live for. Everyday, I'll follow after You
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Guess I'm pretty much over it. Leaving everything to my Daddy. Sick and tired of trying to do everything in vain. Yup.
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Went for bible study today. And man, was it a good service. I must say it was one of the services that really touched me. Yes, all this while, I've been seeking and waiting for God to speak to me. To hear a voice inside. But all He does is prompt, whisper the gentle love secrets. And the thing about it is that He leads us by that prompting. And He will never force it on us, only remind us gently :)) How wonderful my Father is eh? :D
Even after all this, I just never learn. When will I ever learn that He is so wonderful to me. That my Daddy doesn't want me to labour and worry. All that He wants me to do is trust in Him and rest in His wonderful presence! Seesh. I just never learn. So what if I know that, I can never let go and just rest. I worry and worry CONSTANTLY! Even as I type this, I'm worrying. What if I made the wrong choice by deciding that I should just let go of the broken relationship? What if I'm meant to hold on? Argh. I'm so frustrated with myself. I'm very tired. All these worries are hindering me.
When will I ever learn to let go and let God!?
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May 27, 2004
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May 26, 2004
What else is there to say? I'm really exhausted. I'm pretty happy with the fact that the mask was able to stay on for at least 5 hours before I started my crap with Mel again! I'm really sorry Mel. I know you're really getting very very annoyed with me. Maybe I should just stop talking to everyone for now. Until I get everything straightened out. Yes. I should just cease contact with everyone.
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Okay, enough of all this. I shall put on a mask, walk outta the door and smile all the way till I get into the privacy of my own room. There, along with the make-up, the mask shall be shed. And tears can flow. For now, I hafta be strong! To make my friends happy and NOT spoil their day. All I can do now, pray for strength to get through today!
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May 25, 2004
I just cried and cried like crazy last night. Pissed myself off big time. Been dealing with it well since Sun. Didn't shed a single tear, no matter how close it was. As I was watching Friends, something came over me, I just started crying (and I missed the damn ending. Fcuk) Just cried and cried. Even when I tried to pray for strength to carry on, I couldn't say anything. I was at such a loss for words, I could only cry out for Him and cry in His presence. But it made me feel so much better after that. Until....................................................
I really really hate Bugis!!!! Went over to meet Mel and Jia. The last time I saw Paul was at that fucked up place! In the train, leaving the station, it just felt like my whole life past me by. Like nothing ever matters anymore. Cause I've lost him for good! I can't take this anymore. I really need to talk to him. But when??! I feel like I'm gonna lose it soon.
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I hate myself..... .....
For loving you so much
For not being able to let you go
For holding on
For opening myself up to love
For not learning my lesson
For crying every single night the past month plus
For knowing that I'll never be the same again
For thinking of you everywhere I go
For hurting you
For wanting you in my life still
I just hate myself!!!!!
I think I'm gonna die soon. I just blacked out for like 15 secs in my toilet. Fcuk! I puked nothing out. Just water and sour plums?? Fcuk! All I had today was drinks and two sticks of yakitori and fcuk, I puked!!!!!!!! Just take my life NOW! It's gonna make me happier. I don't hafta live everyday wishing he was here with me. Wishing he's still my boyfriend. I hate this feeling. People say being together for 2 months is nothing! That I should be able to move on pretty easily. Not when I've dumped my whole heart into this relationship and all I get back in return is someone who leaves cause of time. Ha. Am I sounding bitter? I just feel like he could probably tell me the truth. Slap it into my face that he doesn't love me anymore, rather than saying he still does but can't commmit cause of time. Fcuk this. I wanna let myself go!
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May 24, 2004
missingyoulikeialwayshave
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Service is provided free.
Filtered -- No distortion. Full Song!
Unfortunately, it's only available by invites only. And the priviledged few can just msg me on MSN. Hahah.
*Note: Mel is the only one who knows how to make full use of the service. My database is quite small but she knows how to get around it :)))
-
Haha. That was total crap! As you can see, I'm quite bored. Anyways, I added a cast/thank you page. Accessible by the window on your right under the heading "footprints". If you think you mean enough to me, go there and check it out. Lols. Actually every single one of my friends mean something so just click if you're bored! :))
Hmmm, I kinda added more of my links :P Have fun!
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May 23, 2004
I gotta say I was pretty disappointed. Probably because of high expectations. With all the hype surrounding it and tons of people telling me it's like the best movie of the year! Well, I think the storyline was great. But I dunno about the battle scenes. It seems like everyone's going into these big epic battles -- Tons of soldiers on both sides, blood and mindless jumping around driving swords and spears into the tons of men. Lols. And it just seems kinda blah. If you know what I mean. Plus the individual fight scenes came across as too choreographed for my liking. Brad Pitt and Eric Bana looked like they were dancing with armours and swords and blood? Hahah. Never thought I would analyze a movie this way. But yeah. But the message behind it was driven home I guess. Honor, Pride and Greed. Not the best reasons to go to war for in my opinion. Oh well, that's my point of view at least. Lols. Crapping now. Talking to Mel. Mindless blogging. Haha. And Orlando Bloom was such a disappointment. He couldn't fight. What a wuss. But it's fine I guess. Eye-candy! Heh
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And I'm NOT gonna cut myself no more. I listened to a message CD just now. And as I stared at my wrist, I felt disgusted at the sight of the cuts. I used to think that they were reminders of the hurt. But all I feel now is disgust and disappointment. I'm sorry if I made anyone of you worry for my emotional unstability. I make this promise here to every single person who cares for me and myself that I WON'T ever cut myself again! I don't need to resort to self mutilation or torture. All I need to do is turn to God and see that strength there! It's amazing how peaceful it feels just to rest in His presence. It doesn't mean that I'm not hurting. It just makes the hurt easier to deal with. Knowing that He's there with me.
Yes I know people might think I'm irrational. But I walk by faith and not by sight! 'Nuff said :))
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Holding on to my faith and believing still!
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May 22, 2004
And yes, I know NONE of my friends support my decision whole-heartedly. Yes, no matter how much you guys say, you'll be with me, ALL of you think I'm dumb.
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Thanks babe for yesterday. For being there. For having me over. I think I almost flooded your room. Sorry. And your mom is sooooooo nice!! I really appreciate everything you've done girl. Yeah. I don't know what to say. Since that night, I've been at a loss for words. Everytime I wanna say something, it seems so directed to him. I don't know how to talk to anyone anymore!!! The point of this is to THANK YOU! No matter what I say, I can't ever thank you enough. Thanks girl.
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Fcuk! Can't anyone blog in peace??! First my mom screams at me for being emotionally unstable and now my dad's bombarding me with 2697392749427 questions of why I look like crap today. Meaning my eyes look like two slits on my face. I hate my family! I wanna go away FOREVER!
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May 21, 2004
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Jia>>> Thanks for caring
Mel>>> Thanks for everything you've done. I can't ever thank you enough
Yang>>> Really appreciate it. THANK YOU
Jas>>> Thanks for being there, hearing me out
J>>> Yes, we both know there's no love between us. I don't really care what happens. I'm still waiting so I guess you know where this is going
Ching>>> Thanks
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Ha. I'm at a loss for words. Having not eaten and not resting. Tried going to sleep from like 3am. But somehow, I couldn't. Everytime I closed my eyes, I'd start to cry. Been thinking so damn much till I fell asleep at 9. Not for long though, I kinda woke up crying at 12. Seesh. I was probably kinda irrational last night talking to him. But I've thought about it rationally this time. And I still stand firm that I WILL wait!
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May 20, 2004
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I know ALL of your aren't gonna support me in this decision. But I've decided to hold on. Dawn, Su, Mel, Eileen, 'Los, J, Jams, Jia, Yang and others. I know you guys prolly think I'm the dumbest person who ever lived but I just hope that you guys would respect this decision. And I'd understand if you guys aren't gonna be there for me. As Yang would say, "you chose this path". And I face it. I'll walk down that path no matter what. Your support means alot but if you think you won't wanna deal with it, I understand. Thanks anyways, for putting up with me this whole month plus. I really appreciate it. And Eileen, I was really glad to see you yesterday!!! Meet up again soon yea? And thanks for the counselling session. You made alot of sense but I guess I'm just holding on to that faith.
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May 19, 2004
I can't change my profile. WTF!
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May 18, 2004
Darlin' I, I can't explain
Where did we lose our way
It's drivin' me insane
And I know I just need one more chance
To prove my love to you
If you come back to me
I'll guarantee
That I'll never let you go
Can we go back to the days our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how to get things back
The way they used to be
Oh God give me the reason
I'm down on bended knee
I'll never walk again, until you come back to me
I'm down on bended knee
So many nights I dream of you
Holding my pillow tight
I know that I don't need to be alone
When I open up my eyes
To face reality
Every moment without you
It seems like eternity
I'm begging you, begging you come back to me
(Baby, Im sorry. Please forgive me for all the wrong I've done.
Please come back home. I know you put all your trust
in me, I'm sorry I let you down. Please forgive me)
I'm gonna swallow my pride
Say I'm sorry
Stop pointing fingers, the blame is on me
I want a new life
And I want it with you
If you feel the same
Don't ever let it go
You gotta believe, in the spirit of love
it can heal all things
We won't hurt any more
No I don't believe our love's terminal
I'm down on my knees, begging you please
Come home
Ignore me please. Feeling lonely and blahhh.
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you
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May 17, 2004
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Mel>> Thanks for being there. And please please please, I'm begging you. Warn me the next time you're gonna burst, I will wear the same black shirt. No I'll wear the black LONG SLEEVE one. Sorry, couldn't resist it :P After surviving this, please cherish it la ok? And I just hope you'll bear with me for awhile longer. I'm gonna need alot of time. I apologize in advance. But if you wanna disappear, please tell me ok? Then I'll go find someone else to torture.
Yenlin>> I'm glad you guys worked things out. And don't worry about it if no one's supporting your decision. If you feel you've made the right decision and you think you can live with it, fine. That's the most important thing k. I'm always here :))
Jams>> Thanks girl for being there. Sorry for crying like mad that day on your shoulder. But I really appreciate you being there la ok? And I'm glad that everything's fine between both of you :)) Take care yes? I'm here if you need me. And sorry for being such bad company on sat.
Jia>> Sorry I couldn't really be there for you on sat and for being such bad company. I really appreciate you just being there :)) I just hope you know what you're doing and are really doing fine yes? You know my number la, my phone's on 24/7, 365 days a year ok? Take care dearest :))
Xue>> Ok ok. And remember if you can't think of anything to draw, draw Mel, the big bowling ball. Lols. I'm mean. Anyways, great to see you on fri. Really missed you, pretty girl :)) Take care ok? See you soon
Ching>> Sorry for calling and bringing you down. Sorry for dumping all my shit on you. I appreciate it ok? And smile ok girl? Cheer up.
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May 16, 2004
I AM: Cher
I WANT: Not to lose my faith!
I HAVE: Fears, insecurities
I WISH: For *him
I HATE: myself
I MISS: *him
I FEAR: Losing *him
I HEAR: Until I get over you by Christina Milian
I WONDER: Why I doubt my faith
I REGRET: -
I ALWAYS: Don't know
I DANCE: Not anymore
I SING: To scare off people
I CRY: Everynight
I AM NOT ALWAYS: Emotional. I CAN act
I LOST: *him
I CONFUSE: Myself
I NEED: To put God first in my life
I SHOULD: Stop talking to myself
I LOVE: God then my friends
Yes Or No
x. You keep a diary: Yeah, blog and journal
x. You like to cook: Depending on my mood?
x. You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: I guess
x. You believe in love: Not anymore. Well, not humanly love anyways
The weirdest person you know: Me
The Loudest Person you know: -
The Sexiest Person you Know: MELODY NG XUE QI
Have a (any) crush (es): NO! NEVER EVER ANYMORE!
Want to get married: I can't live with someone I don't love. 'Nuff said
Think you're a health freak: Ha. Joke
Get along with your parents: Pretty ok?
EYE COLOR: Don't stare at myself
SMOKE: Not anymore
(FAVORITES)
NUMBER (S): -
colour: -
MONTH: -
FOOD: Don't wanna think about food. Thanks
drinks: Alcoholic? Non?
SEASON: Fall/Winter
SPORT: Can't be bothered to move my arse
(PREFERENCES)
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: Sleeping ALONE
CHOCOLATE MILK or Vanilla: Coffee
Note: this is the last 24 hours, not your life.
(IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU....)
CRIED? DUH
HELPED SOMEONE? Tried but I think I was pretty unsuccessful
BOUGHT SOMETHING? No mood for shopping at all.
GOTTEN SICK? Puking counts?
GONE TO THE MOVIES? No mood
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? A soda at dinner, yes
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER? To God. Don't ask why
TALKED TO AN EX? Yes!
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL? Yes.
HAD A SERIOUS TALK? Sms?
HUGGED SOMEONE? Yeah. Thank God for my friends
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? No
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? No
PLAYED ANY GAMES ONLINE? No mood
FEEL LONELY? Ha.
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May 15, 2004
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Great is Your mercy towards me. Your loving kindness towards me. Your tender mercies I see, day after day
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May 13, 2004
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If u are a guy, tell us what you want your girl to be like... If you are a girl, then tell us what you want your guy to be like...
1. hair colour: anything really. as long as you look good. BUT with one exception, i absolutely don't like asians with GOLD/BLEACHED hair. Yup
2. eye colour: don't freak me out with the weirdest color contacts. it's nice but pick something natural. haha
3. skin tone: tan tan tan *irony??* but don't be burnt :))
4. long or short hair: styled. hhaha.
5. piercings: i think eyebrow piercings are a real turn on :))
6. scars: i think a scar or 2 on a guy makes him pretty manly. lol. but i don't mean those huge scars you get from ops or something. scars you get from mucking around and stuff. ah, you get what i mean. lol
7. big butt or little: so big for what. haha
8. straight: hahaha
9. outgoing or shy: outgoing but being shy at times is pretty cute
10. sarcastic or sincere: sincere
11. shld he/she have a best fren?: uh duhh??
12. shld he/she love his mom: yup
13. shld he/she watch gal movies: hmmm, i wouldn't force him to but it'd be nice if he'd watch it with me once in awhile. hang on, you mean chick flicks right?
14. be sweet: i'm a sucker for romance and fluff so yeah. but ultimately, if i love you, i love you for you!
15. be smart: yup
16. be funny: please. i don't wanna go out with a stone :))
17. smoker?: well, i wouldn't say i won't go out with you but i'll try to get you to stop cause it ain't good for ya
18. drink: uh huh
19. play wit ur hair: i think it's real sweet (esp if *he does it) okay, i digress. but YES
20. kiss on the first date?: hmmm...
21. bring u gift?: it's not neccessary but it'd be a nice surprise :))
22. lay under the stars with u?: i've said it before, i'm a sucker for romance and fluff so i think i'd pretty much melt if *he does.
23. write poetry abt ya: haha
24. call u honey, sweetie or baby: yeah. i'm sorry, i'm just cheesy
25. hang out wit u n ur frens: if *he feels comfortable
26. hold ur hand: yes
27. sing to u: it's nice hearing it from *him
28. u wld like her/his interest to be: me!! haha, kidding. i don't really mind as long as he has the passion for it :)) that's all that matters to me
29. play guitar or piano: :))
30. one last condition: that *he's happy being with me
Shit! I shouldn't have done this stupid quiz thingy. It just made me think of *him. I've been like just thinking and thinking and thinking about it. All the memories and all. +sighs+ I don't know. I'm just crazy. Okay, I shall just get the hell lost now and not bore the heck outta anyone who's reading this.
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May 12, 2004
As you can see, I pretty much have nothing else to say. I feel if I blog what I'm feeling inside, it's just gonna be a repetition of what's already been said. So I'm just gonna shut up.
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Mel>>> Thanks ever dearest. For being there la. And you!!! Remember what I said ok???
Jia>>> Sometimes it might help if you'd open that golden mouth of yours. Haha. Take care ok? I'll always be here
Yang>>> Babyboy. Hahaha. Don't worry, I'm just trying to please MEL. Ya la, I know you're gonna get nightmares or something. It was great seeing you la ya. And I LOVE your ah mah's chin chow. Damn nice la can! LOL
Jams>>> Woman, Stingray and BITCHFEST soon okay?? I've been waiting like crazy. Hee
Dawn>>> Well, if I disappear, you guys would have total and absolute peace. Don't hafta listen to insane ramblings. I pretty much have the same things to say right now about how I'm feeling.
Andrea>>> Hey hey! Let's all hope so. +prays hard+ I miss ya!
As long as I am with you
As long as I can feel you
That's all I need to keep me going
On and on and on and on
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Me: When is Usher coming back to me?
Su: Uh soon I suppose
Me: Right
Su: Yeah, as soon as I buy em
Me: Knew it
Su: Knew what?
Me: That you'd lose it dumbass
Su: Uh actually, I kinda sat on it and it cracked in like 2??
And that happens to be my new Usher album! Okay, it doesn't seem so funny now that I've typed this out. But the way she said it... Classic. If you haven't realized already, I'm like real real bored. Gonna go to starbucks in abit I guess. Need my double shot. Hmmm, is caffeine addictive? Cause somehow the double shot doesn't gimme any kick no more. Point to ponder...
I'm in love with Usher. He rocks balls man. Lol. I'm nuts, I'm nuts. Oh yeah, I'm gonna be dropping by HMV tomorrow. Gonna get all his albums. I've only got Confessions. The most important album to get is 8701. That is the classic album man. Yeap, Cheryl's gone crazy
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May 11, 2004
Went over to Lips after that. Sat around with ONE strawberry milkshake for 1 hour plus, until they started stacking up the chairs and all. We were the last ones left there. Just sat around talking. Depressing maybe? But basically, just spilling out guts. It felt kinda good to be able to just sit around and talk. Hmm, maybe because I haven't exactly done that in awhile. Convos with people these past weeks have been rather superficial. Don't know why but I'm just feeling like I don't wanna dump my shit on people and that the world doesn't revolve around me. Can't expect people to comfort me when they themselves are dealing with their own shit. Ah well
Was damn gian last night. The whole time in town, I had this nagging feeling in the back of my head. This wanting inside me. But thanks be to God, for giving me that strength to overcome my desire. I finally dumped both packs for good! And I'm glad.
It's hard to breathe when we're apart
You're like sunshine in my heart
I keep you here inside
You've been everything to me
You've been and always will be
The apple of my eye.
And I know it's hard to believe
You're still the biggest part of me
All I'm living for
I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you, and need you by my side
I'm still mad about you
All I ever wanted was you
You're still the one
You're still the one
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Well I know I shouldn't be thinking this way. But I'm starting to let external factors affect me... AGAIN! I just wanna rest in faith but it seems so hard not to look at the visible and see that everything isn't going well. I'm just scared. Scared of losing my faith and the worst thing, losing YOU!
I feel so conflicted now. I don't wanna pressure you but yet I feel like I HAVE to talk to you soon. There have been many many times where I wanted to pick up the phone and just let it all out. But I know by doing that, I'll just be giving you added stress which you absolutely do not need at this point of time. I understand that your busy and all. But sometimes I just feel like I need to hear your voice or some words of assurances. And it's at those times where I feel like such a useless bitch. Like I'm so selfish and not understanding at all. I know that I should rest in Him, but somehow I feel like I have to do something. Ah, I don't know. I just feel like I'm so not understanding of the whole situation. The only thing I know now is that I DON'T WANNA LOSE YOU!!! I don't know why, but I just feel we can work things out. It's just a gut inside telling me to hold on. And I know I'm just gonna be here waiting for as long as it takes for you to come back.
+sighs+ I don't even know if you'll read this and I don't know if I want you reading this. Might be presurizing. Ah, I guess some things I just have to get off my chest. If you do happen to read this, and are feeling pressure, IGNORE it please! And I'm sorry for being so weak, useless, selfish and not understanding!!
From the heart,
I'm giving you everything, everything.
From the heart,
I promise you that I'll be there.
I'll be there to love you.
From the soul,
I'm showing you all I feel, all I feel is...
From the heart, from the heart!
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May 09, 2004
I ended up sleeping yesterday instead of clubbing cause my head hurt so bad I couldn't even sit up. It's okay. It's not like I can't live without clubbing. I realized all this while that I've been throwing myself into drinking and all not cause I need it but cause I just don't wanna think too much. And it so ain't worth it. I suppose there are other ways to try and make myself stop thinking? Oh, I dunno. It's been weighing on my mind. I mean I can safely say that I'm willing to wait. But is anything gonna come outta this wait? +sighs+ I know I shouldn't be thinking like that, especially after today's message. But I just can't help myself. I just wanna rest in His faith. But I find it so hard not to labour and just rest! Useless me and my inner struggles +sighs+
Okay, enough for today. I'll be off now. Head still hurts and I feel like puking. I seriously needta see the doctor again +groans+
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Val>>> Hmmm, I finally moved to blogger after like ages. http://imperfect-perfection.blogspot.com :)) Study hard ok?? Then party with Xue soon ya?? *love
Su>>> Ya thanks. I'm glad I went for service today though +huggs+
'Los>>> Tomorrow coffee?! Just drop me an sms to confirm. Oh and this goes out to Dawn, Su, Ker, J, Davin too. Love ya'll
Untill you're back here baby
Miss you, want you, need you so
Untill you're back here baby yeh
There's a feelin inside, I want you to know
You are the one and i cant...
Let you go
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May 08, 2004
Currently hooked on Groove Coverage's *Lullaby for love*. Never thought I'd be listening to a techno group but what the heck. Lol. It's nice though and it's got absolutely NO techno beat in it. Haha
Went to the park on before I got home. Just to sit down and think. Thoughts flooded my mind. Remember the times we spent together. The feeling of being in your arms, of just being with you. Remember the times you were there for me, to comfort me, to encourage me. No one else can ever make me feel the way that you do. And.... I just wish that everything will remain a reality and not fade away into memories
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Ok, so point of this is.... I DIDN'T DRINK NOR CLUB ON A FRIDAY NIGHT!! I'm sucha good girl. Hehe
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I was freaking sleeping when she called, saying she was hungry and everyone else was too wasted to go for supper. Seesh. Tried dragging Dawn and co along. I must've called like 8, 9 people?? But only 2 outta ALL of em actually answered and turned up. I love you 'Los and Su! Lol. Why, I don't know.
I'm just crapping around here waiting for my cousin to pick me. We're gonna go grocery shopping!!! +jumps around+ I absolutely like to go grocery shopping. Especially when another's paying. Hehe. Nah, me and all the cousins didn't buy mommys' day pressies so they decided to cook?! Yes, and they asked me and I CAN cook ok?? Just ask Su :P Hence, grocery shopping. Can't wait.
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Su>> Babe! Cheer up. Take a step back and you'll see it's not that big a deal yes?? ilu sugar +smooches+
Ker>> Please gimme a warning like before you're gonna blast my ears at 3 am the next time ok? Hhaha. Like tell me in advance you wanna meet up for supper or something so I wouldn't go into my deep deep slumber and get freaked out by you. Hahah. Nonetheless, I love you girly. You've been there all this time eh?? +huggs+
Dawn>> P-I-G! You should throw your phone away.
Sha>> Thanks thanks. I like the picture :)) Yeah, I know the chatterbox is in the weirdest place ever. But trying to work with blogger after being with DLand for ages takes time. Hehe. Anywhos, I hope you're doing fine!! Take care babe +hugs+
Mel>> MEL NG!!! Where are you!!????! I miss you la stupid bungbo!!
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
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May 07, 2004
I don't know what I'm doing, took out my emo rock cds and I'm like blasting em real loud. Realized I haven't listened to em in ages. Trying to drown out the inner voices telling me shit. Internal battle with yourself sucks. BIG TIME!
Oh and my chatterbox link is currently at the side. In the picture, where the pink words are. I'm gonna get a new shoutbox or something. It screws up IE with it's popups. In the meantime, if anyone's tagging or just wanna say something, it's there. Yeah, and if you haven't realized already, Cheryl's real bored. Bahh
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Cheryl's been doing absolutely nothing since yesterday. Ching just left an hour ago. I finally got rid of a piece of junk in my house -- my FIRST bowling ball. Hhaha. Well, it's been sitting around and collecting dust and since I gave away the other 2, I don't see why I should be keeping this one if I'm not bowling anymore. Lol.
Sitting around now on the line with Dawn, we're cutting down. But it's damn hard. I feel so weak now, I just hope I stick to the plan for today and not give in to temptation. It's real strong. Argh!!! Help!! I hate fighting myself. Everyday it's a heated internal debate with myself over tons and tons of stuff. Decisions and the hot topic right now -- Self Control! Blah blah blah
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Val>>> Yeah, that songs rocks balls!! And yeah she looks hella good man. No kidding. you really looked good :))
Sha>>> Yup, that's the Jas we all know ;D
Carlos>>> You idiot! Why the hell did you tell her that? Seesh. I'm so gonna murder you tomorrow IF I do see you!! Haha. Cheers hottie!
+..all cried out..+ . [5:20 PM
]
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I feel so guilty. I've been feeling so resentful lately. Feelings of resentment towards my dad and myself! Resenting my dad for being happy for himself when he thinks he's being happy for me. Okay, I know no one knows what I'm talking about but yeah. So what if he gives me what I want materially?! I'm heading towards a future where I don't wanna go to. All these material possessions won't make up for losing my dreams. Yes, I admit, I do play a part in that. I should've worked harder. But what's done is done and I shouldn't resent my dad for being so happy about something I'm really unhappy about.
As for everything that's been going on between me and him, I guess I'm just gonna let it be. In a sense that I'm just gonna leave him to his space and time and just continue waiting here silently. No pointin giving him anymore added pressure and stress. I mean I just want this to work out so much. I just want him to feel comfortable with me. So yeah
Well, I'm just thankful that I've been graced with a buncha people I can call my friends. And you guys are people I can totally put all my trust in. Thank God for each and every single one of you. Though I may not say this enough, I love each one of you in spite of your flaws and everything ok?
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Jas>>> Hey babe. If you're reading this, thank you so much for hearing me out and for being there! And I'm so thankful that He brought you into my life. You've been great all these years :)) Love ya babe +hugs+
I love each and everyone of you guys. Those taking exams, ALL THE BEST and have faith. You'll get through it fine =D Those going through rough times, have faith too! And my cell's 24/7, 365 days a year. Those who're really happy and all, I'm glad for you people. It's great to see that you guys are doing fine and are happy.
*you>>> If you're reading this, I just hope you're doing ok and not are not too stressed out about school and all. I hope I didn't pressure you too much when I called. Just want you to know that I'm waiting here and that no matter what happens, my heart still beats for you. Take care and I love you! +hugs+
Some people want it all, but I don’t want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby, if I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings, some just want everything
But everything means nothing if I ain't got you, yeah
+..all cried out..+ . [1:05 AM
]
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