.the dark room
.haunted past
Bah :\ You guys have fun aiights. Whether your reliving your childhood going trick or treating or having Halloween parties. Was at Washington this afternoon. Bought tons of stuff. Retail therapy I'd like to call it. But somehow, it didn't feel right. Been feeling like shit lately. Sometimes I feel like I just wanna erase any memory of *you! Anyways, bought black pants, tops, 3 pairs of heels, a bikini top and 2 pairs of jeans. And I saw the cutest Adidas shoes. Thinking if I should get them x)
Dan & co- You guys better have fun and drink for me! Btw, I want piccas. Love ya'll +kisses each and everyone at the party+ :P
+..all cried out..+ . [2:35 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [9:26 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [11:01 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [1:39 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [3:15 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [10:13 AM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [11:40 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [11:08 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [8:02 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [1:14 AM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [9:49 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [10:38 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [1:27 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [11:23 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [2:34 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [2:33 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [2:32 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [2:02 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [1:44 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [2:24 AM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [10:43 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [5:10 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [11:01 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [11:53 AM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [1:47 AM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [4:44 PM
]
Exam's in 12 hours?? Counting down. Btw, change the encoding to unicode if you can't see the words and if you bother /: +..all cried out..+ . [2:11 AM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [10:33 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [8:41 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [11:24 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [10:31 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [2:46 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [3:03 AM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [3:12 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [2:17 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [10:11 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [9:10 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [1:05 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [2:23 AM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [9:41 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [11:54 AM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [1:07 AM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [9:07 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [2:52 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [1:17 AM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [6:08 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [1:23 AM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [7:41 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [11:15 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [1:19 AM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [11:51 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [2:11 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [11:09 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [2:30 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [1:59 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [10:38 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [2:04 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [11:51 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [1:07 AM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [3:26 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [10:15 PM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [1:14 AM
]
+..all cried out..+ . [2:52 AM
] October 31, 2004
Time check : 23.30pm (Saturday, 30 Oct) HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
I really miss everyone and everything. But most of all, I really miss NCC. Haha. You might think I'm mad. But NCC's like my second home man :\ Just went for church service at my cousin's church. Never felt such an urge to walk out before. Alrights, I shall shut up about it :\ Anyways. I think I MIGHT be coming home earlier.
-
Val- I'm NOT having fun. Shopping isn't all that fun when you don't have your girlfriends with you. But I gotta admit I feel good after my purchases cause they're really nice and cheap! I'm coming home soon. I can't wait to come home. And we shall hang out k? Love ya loads +smucks+
Jas- Hey there my precious sister!! I miss you too! -whines- Make time pass faster. Lols. And yes, I still can't believe my relatives were trying to convert me -faints- You take care aiights? +hugs+
Cute huh??
I like the logo!! x)
If I could have one wish tonight I'd wish upon a satellite To bring me back to you
0 comments
October 30, 2004
And where am I? Stuck in the cold, miserable -sighs- Could this be any worse? Dan's Halloween party's on tomorrow. And where am I? Stuck here a million miles away, missing probably the greatest party of the year -cries- And I'm missing church! And alot of people -sighs- Someone kill me already.
Well, I went shopping yesterday! I can't believe how cheap the sales here are. When they say sale, they mean sale! Got a jacket, two belts, pants, a tank, a nice top, earrings. All for just a hundred bucks! I'm never shopping back home again! It's upsetting man. Shopping with a hundred bucks back home, I'd get like 1/3 of the stuff :\ This isn't good! Gonna go to the states in an hour or so. Driving down to Seattle. Drea and Plink next weekend!
Could've slept a lil more. But I decided to wake up and talk to people online. And probably just to try my luck again -sighs- Someone just click on *his nick for me so I could say something, instead of wishing *he'd say something first. I'm rambling. Real tired
[edit @ 7.10am] I can't believe it. I'm not gonna do anything anymore. Just gonna let what I feel rot and die. Yes, let my heart decompose. Fcuk! [/edit]
0 comments
October 29, 2004
The blood running down your arm. Watching the little bubbles form as the veins slowly split open. And when you run your hand over the cuts, splitting them open more. The feeling - sensational. You want it not to stop. And when the feeling finally subsides, all that remains is a void. Right when you feel that void, you drizzle alcohol over the cuts, like the drizzle of tears from your eyes. A million ants running up your arm. You lie slumped on your bed and with tears in your eyes, just smile. For that moment or two, you're where you always wanted to be! You wish you could go on feeling like that, but NO! Even your escape's too good to be true. The pain subsides, the emotions resurface and all you feel is self hatred and heartache. So you repeat that cycle over and over. Till your arm's so covered with cuts, you head to your ankles and thighs. And since you can't trust any friend for long, you change your friends often. From a small papercutter, to a bigger razor to a swiss army knife. Then you go in search of bigger, better friends! It becomes your crack. Your addiction. And a perpetual reminder of your sorry state!
0 comments
And YOU! I'm not having a good time. Stop asking me if I am okay
0 comments
October 27, 2004
i only wanted to love you - denine
i guess you don't know what you got till it's gone/never played the game of love/i went about it all wrong/never let you in/i never let you know/that in my heart i never wanna let you go/but now i can see the mistakes i've made/and you don't know the price i've paid/and all i need is a second chance/let me try- try and save this romance
i only wanted to love you. i never wanted to let you go. i think it's time that you should know. i only wanted to love you. i only wanted to give you all of me. i never meant to hurt you, baby can't you see. i only wanted to love you, i need you here by me. i only wanted to love you
i gotta find a way for you to hear this song/been two whole years since you've been gone/if it takes my whole life/i'll keep searching for you/gonna give you love/a love baby, that's ALL true/can't you see when i look in your eyes/tell you i'm sorry and i apologize/forgive and forget/it won't be the same this time/i'm forever yours and you're forever mine
0 comments
And I don't know if *you're reading this. Doubt so -sighs- I don't understand how I let you affect me so much. Why I think of *you day and night. And even dream of *you when I sleep. And really, it's *your indifference that breaks my heart -sighs- It's been what, 6 months and counting. While *you've probably moved on a million times, I'm still stuck here. Am I just retarded or what? Fcuk!
I'm really sick and tired of thinking. So really, if YOU're a friend. Just leave it ok? Let me continue being the idiot, loving *him and what not! Let me be the idiot!! LET ME BE IT ok? I'm kinda used to being called the stupid idiot and having people laugh at me
Disclaimer : YOU and *you are two different persons. And I'm sure YOU know who YOU are. Don't think *you read this anyway. (*him = *you)
0 comments
October 26, 2004
haven't cried like that in ages. tired. think i shall sleep
0 comments
I don't know what I want!! But I do know one thing for sure. And don't bother asking me what that is. I think some people do know. Yes! That's what I REALLY want -sighs- Leaving thurs morning. Don't feel like it -sighs-
Bryan, sorry! Not in the mood to talk now.
0 comments
October 25, 2004
Alrights. Enough. My head's hurting from all that thinking :\ Oh dad bought me a new jacket today. Wanted that corduroy jacket from Mango. But they didn't have it in black. So I ended up getting the long beige coduroy jacket. Not too bad but I don't think I'd wear it much. Difficult to match :\ Got a new striped shirt too. Not excited about my purchases. Btw, I got my Mango VIP card. It's a temp one though. Waiting for the official one to be mailed to me. Watched 'Ladder 49' with someone after he finished school. Quiet outing. Fear of the TALK! Met folks back at SRC for dinner. Gonna pack now. Couple more days and I'm gone. I kinda wish it was forever )':
[/edit at 2303] So we finally opened our mouths to talk -sighs- Still good friends. Still have what we had before. Benefits still there. Deal's still on. No strings attached. That's all I have to say. I don't know how long it's gonna last before we start the crap again. Shall wait and see!
0 comments
We could've made it workWe could've found a wayBut obviously *you thought otherwise ./Spinning :: Disappear - Hoobastank Who am I kidding. *You're not gonna be here
0 comments
October 23, 2004
Been thinking since last night. Since the previous entry. Can't sleep. It's like a whirlwind inside of my head.
-
Drea :x: I don't know if I'm looking forward to it. I mean staying here, there's like a lil minute chance that I might stilll... I miss you so much. I really wanna cry
Noven :x: Abuse you? Me? No please! Stop laughing at me la can :((
Val :x: Of course sweetie. My pleasure :)) Any request? Color? Image? Words? I know the tagboard's quite screwed :\ Well, I sure hope I'm not. But I'm really feeling like I'm so horrid :\ Anywhos, I miss you too!! Soo much la can! -hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs- Lols
[edit] Too many butterflies. Too tired to change. Another day! Can't see [/edit]
0 comments
October 22, 2004
I have sky high expectations of myself. And though people tell me to live contented with my life, I don't think I can ever be contented with my life unless I fulfil my expectations. Somehow, I feel that being contented with what I have is just COMPROMISING myself. I don't know. I guess that's the pride in me working? I don't know. Is having expectations of myself not trusting God? Is it not resting that trusting that He provides, that He is the Lord of my life?
I don't know how much longer I can go one living like this. Sometimes I feel that God refuses to do anything about my situation cause this is the only way I depend on Him daily for my strength to get through each day. This is the time when I truly depend on Him and Him alone. For I learnt the hard way. My constant labouring isn't gonna get me anywhere. But then again, I'm still going nowhere. Coming back to my expectations... I'm not contented with just getting through each day. I wanna go through each day with joy and peace. I think, what have I done wrong? What have I not done? What have I done? I don't know. I really don't understand His ways. And I don't seek to understand them. I just ask that He does something about this. Cause He can. There's NO doubt about it. But I wonder why He isn't willing.
I'm just so sick and tired. Really not contented with just getting through each day in a daze. If there's strength from Him to get through the day, I don't understand why He doesn't give me the joy and peace for it. Sometimes I really wonder... What I was put here on earth for. Sometimes I feel like I'm such a joke to Him. Like I'm some kind of an amusement to Him.
I feel like I need to talk. To who, I have NO IDEA! And when I find someone I can talk to, I find myself acting strong, like I've got it all together. What in the world is wrong with me?
0 comments
Whatever! I just watched Singapore Idol (recorded it). CHRIS LEE is how cute please? And he sang ANGELS!!! -faints- I love that song. He's like CUTE! -dies- Okay, I'm mad. Oh and Olinda Cho's voice is amazing!! Realized the more I watch Sylvester, the more he looks like a cheena boyband singer. Lols. I don't like!
the urge to cut myself is back. maybe i should. miss that pain
0 comments
October 21, 2004
While we were standing outside Zouk deciding who'd go home with who, I realized I didn't have my phone with me. So I freaked out and everyone else was like panicking. So Edgar told me to do a memory jog. And I was sure I didn't take out my phone at NA. Stephan went back into Zouk with Bry and tried looking for my phone but came out shaking heads. So I was like maybe I dropped it on the cab on the way to NA. Tried calling my phone. Was still ringing. THEN... I remembered, I rushed outta the house not holding anything! -faints- Man, if looks could kill, the looks that the guys shot me would've killed me three times over :\ Then the girls were like laughing so hard people stared at us -faints-
Okay, enough entertainment for you guys. Btw, I know the skin sucks :(( Shall go off now. Really tired. Last note before I leave -- I MISS *YOU!
0 comments
Oh my goodness! You look like a little boy here. Eh and Benji, your eyebags are PRADAs can! Lols. Kidding 
0 comments
Ooops. Did I hold the cam or were you holding it?
0 comments
Yes BenjaBOO. I FINALLY uploaded the pics. Man, your hand is so not shaky la
0 comments
0 comments
Anyways, my thoughts... too private to share. Ask and I MAY tell you.
I realized I've been spending too much time worrying. Instead of looking to Jesus and referring back to the cross, all I've done is look at my stupid problems and the world around me -sighs- It's really hard sometimes, to trust grace cause it's so supernatural and you're so overwhelmed by the problem. I guess that's where prayer comes in and I haven't spent time in prayer. Yes, I read the bible and all but I haven't spent what I'd like to call quality time, with Jesus -sighs-
My thoughts are in a mess. Need to reorganize. I think I shall go pack up the stuff to bring over. There's tons of nonsense I gotta bring. What's with getting my dad's jacket over for my uncle?! -faints- And I'm bringing 'Stairway To Heaven' there cause my aunt wants it. I'm so nice please. Giving her the whole set. I better pack before I leave for BS later
./Spinning :: WASTED TIME - EAGLES
Your baby's gone, and you're all alone and it looks like the end
0 comments
Talked a hell lot at NA. Kel, MelWONG, Ker, Dan, Bry, Edgar, Stephan. Surprised we got in NA. Whole lot of us (cept for Ker and Dan) feeling emo. Drank loads. Can't think straight now. Left for Zouk at 12.30. Left Zouk at 2. Bry has school tomorrow. Drank to my 6 months of loneliness and pining. Yeah, six months and I'm still in love with *him. What a joke. Mambo was horrid. No one was in the mood. Packed. Ended up standing around. Supposed to go home. Don't wanna risk getting caught. Decided to go home when Bry goes to school tomorrow. When my mom's out at work. Pig's sleeping. I'm thinking. With a head full of alcohol. Tears flowing so freely. Out-
0 comments
October 20, 2004
0 comments
The guy/girl who is worth your tears and will never ever make you cry, is the person who loves you so much more than you love him/her. That person would be the one crying over you. And he/she is worth it simply because he/she would do anything for you, he/she would try his/her best to make you happy and make you smile all the time. But sad to say, you can NEVER love him/her back the same way he/she loves you. You try your best but you can't ever.
Cause the person that makes you cry is the person who you would give anything for, the person whom you love from the bottom of your heart and the person who doesn't love you back the way you wish he/she would. But somehow after what everyone says, you feel that the person who you're crying over IS worth it. Because you truly love that person.
Sometimes I think that feelings bring out the naivety in people? Feelings bring out the vulnerabilities in people? Okay, I'm thinking too much! I'm off to sleep now. Mambo-ing tonight! Can't wait
0 comments
October 19, 2004
I'm hyper now. Damn bored. Not studying for tomorrow's paper cause I don't know what to study! Lols. I give up. Oh crap, I gotta buy my cousin's stuff tomorrow and I forgot what it is I'm supposed to buy. Ker is irritating me on the phone with her incessant crapping! -dies- Oh yes. And TWO more people are leaving next year! Jas and Kel -cries- I wanna go!
0 comments
I'm still upset!! Too much of a coincidence! -screams- This is so frustrating. To add to the fire, I'm in another cold war with the folks. I think this one's not gonna end soon. Yay! Less people to talk to.
How will you start it over? You don't know what became. You don't care much for a stranger's touch, but you can't hold your man.-sighs- How apt I'm so irritated right now. Must be the lack of sleep. Anyways, this popped in. I really don't like how people change during exam period. So you mean to tell me your results are more important than your life? Wtf! It really doesn't pay to be kind. We put up with you flaring up and all and now you're saying we wanna run your life?? Forget it! I really don't care. Know what, mug your fever away. And maybe you wouldn't wake up for the paper?? So you won't hafta mug anymore. Argh! I'm really bitchy and all. Shall sleep! I've got some more crap to blog. Continue later
0 comments
AWESOME! Thanks Baby bruddah Bryan!! I lubba chu!! Thanks for coming to the concert with me. And for putting up with me! I know I was being so impossible. Was really down. But the concert really perked me up!! I appreciate it you silly emo babybruddah :)) And I'm so glad I wasn't stubborn enough to stay home. And I'm so glad that you bothered to pester me to go though I was screaming and freaking out! Thanks my emo babybruddah!! Lub chiu!! :))
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? Oh wells. Met EDGAR!! Oh my. The last time I saw him was like months ago and he FINALLY cut his hair. Hahah. Outta point. Oh yes, that stupid ass commented that I'm ALWAYS wearing black. Like hello my dear Edgar, I only met you twice!! And today was the second time. Stupid ass! But his mom was damn nice please. She sent me all the way home from indoor stadium and I think she sent Bry home to River Valley when they like stay near Orchard! She's damn funny too! Was fagging outside while waiting for her then she came and I tried to stub out the cig. So when I got into the car, she was like "It's okay girl. Don't hafta stub it out. I'm not a policewoman who's gonna arrest you for underaged smoking" Lols. She's damn funny!!
Oh, I went on a mad CD buying spree -faints- I like bought almost 170 bucks of CDs from HMV. I'm now BROKE!! And I wanna go for Jay Chou's concert! Lols. I'm mad now. Damn high!! :\ Oh Bryan bought me 'Altered Frequency'. My emo babybruddah rocks! :P Anyone up for Jay's concert??? I wanna go!!! Songs are running through my mind now. Nice nice. Shite! I can't get into the mood for studying econs paper tomorrow :\ And I'm really UPSET right now. I can't believe it. Never mind. Shall blog more later or tomorrow
-
Val :x: Yes momsie!! I miss you too!! So much! Take care okay?? Love ya plenty :))
Ker :x: Of course! Poor him. He had to put up with me for like eternity. Tell you more later on the phone :D Love ya babe!
Kel :x: MAMBO! I CAN'T FREAKING WAIT! Missing you girl :))
-
Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones you can't get. (Do I really?)
0 comments
October 18, 2004
0 comments
Mel NG :x: I'm so sorry for the phonecall. Did I freak you out? And thanks for being there ok?? I don't know what happened. And yes, you can laugh at me for being so useless. Maybe I shall try to cheat North, South, East, West tomorrow yea?? Thanks big face!! +hugs+
Ching :x: Dear, thank you!! I don't know what I'd do without you. You're my crutch man. And seeing what a crippled I am, I'd die without that crutch!! Love you dear!! +muahx+
RL :x: You really did sound like her la! Thanks thanks for accompanying me :)) Eh, I'm blogging while waiting for you comp to FINISH sending me the song please!! :\ So slow! And I can finally see the background. NICE!
Btw, did anyone tag?? Cause I can't see any recent entries. My tagboard's showing me weird entries from like ages ago. Sorry if I didn't reply any tags :\ Not my fault this time round ;) I wanna watch the new Sammi show (Long2 Feng4 Men2?). And 2046 is nice. I wanna watch again! Btw, 'The Forgotten' opens Nov 4!
对不起 我爱你 - 梁静茹没别的 只想说对不起 对不起 我真的爱你 不管你会怎么想 你怎么说 也不会改变我的决定你知道 有时候感情事很难说 爱人或朋友从前到现在 我真的感觉要 一想你 我的心就发烧 想给你听我的心跳 想你知道我睡的不好 喝水想着你 搭车想着你 阖眼闭眼间 出现的全是你我猜不到你的表情 我等不到你的回应不想难为你 又不想放弃你 决定告诉你 对不起 对不起 我爱你 没别的 只想说对不起 怎么样 我都会珍惜不管你会怎么讲 你怎么做 也不会影响我的心情你知道 有时候男孩更难捉摸 难捉摸 爱人或朋友现在到永远 我真会感觉要 一想你 我的心就狂跳我的模样记不记的牢 情人卡有没有收到 读书想着你 听歌想着你 大地和蓝天 出现的全是你 我才不管你的表情 我才不理你回不回应 不想难为你 又不想放弃你 决定告诉你 对不起对不起 我爱你 你听一听我的心跳 你看一看我睡的不好喝水想着你 搭车想着你 阖眼闭眼间 出现的全是你我 猜不到你的表情 我等不到你的回应 不想难为你 又不想放弃你 决定告诉你 对不起对不起 我爱你
0 comments
October 17, 2004
0 comments
Sappy love songs are the perfect accompaniment (sp?) for days like these. Yeah wells. Anyone heard of like tear duct operations or something? Where they totally cut off your tear ducts or whatever so you won't tear at the slightest things?
I gotta stop looking to my problems and start looking to JESUS. After all, the problems are solved with the PERFECT solution. I gotta stop. Man, this is hard. O faithless me :'(
The night has gone, a part of yesterdayI don't know what to say, I don't know what to say
0 comments
October 16, 2004
I would give anything I own,
Give up my life, my heart, my home.
I would give everything I own,
Just to have you back again.
0 comments
Lately I realized I've been in that crying mood. I cry at the slightest things. Example? I was reading "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown, and I freaking started tearing. I know!!!! Hardly a book to get emotional over. Something's wrong with me :'(
0 comments
Rights. I'm mad I know. Rambling on and on. I need to get away. But I don't want to! Or do I? Do I really?
0 comments
I just hate it when *you find your way back into my head when I'm trying to have fun. Anywhoos, thanks BENJI! And I hope you won't wake up with a hangover!! *love
0 comments
October 15, 2004
0 comments
Ironic really. People who're so physically close are so distant in heart. Yet people who're 48703724117483 million miles away can touch your heart with just a simple gesture. Yes, I feel I've drifted away from certain people. And I don't think I welcome that :\ But there's only so much I can do before I become a pest. Been in a whole melacholic mood lately. I don't know why. Maybe I've always been like that? Or maybe certain matters and people?? I don't know.
Spiritual walk has been so trying. I'm tired of everything! I need...... I don't even know what I need. I don't even know what I want -sighs-
Thanks Val, you're such a sweetie :)) Love you so much!
In a way, I hate missing people. And everyone's leaving. I wanna fly away now. Actually, I wanna go home! Can I please Daddy?
0 comments
October 14, 2004
You know I can't smile without youI can't smile without youI can't laugh and I can't singI'm findin' it hard to do anything You see I feel sad when you're sadI feel glad when you're gladIf you only knew what I'm goin' throughI just can't smile without you You came along just like a songAnd brightened my dayWho'da believed that you were part of a dream?Now it all seems light years away Now some people say happiness takes so very long to findWell I'm finding it hard leavin' your love behind me
0 comments
0 comments
0 comments
0 comments
October 13, 2004
0 comments
I wonder who's taken my place? Now, I need to find someone to take yours
0 comments
My head is saying "Fool, forget him"My heart is saying "Don't let go"Hold on 'till the endThat's what I intend to doI'm hopelessly devoted to you
I piss myself off so much. Thank you very much! You made me hate myself! Yes you!! No one else but you. No one could make me love them like crazy. No one could drive me this mad. No one is worth my tears but you! Fuck you!
0 comments
October 12, 2004
Sick and tired of people telling me *he's not worth it! Like wtf! So you mean YOU'RE worth it? I mean some people seriously think that after pining after someone for 6 months, I'd just pack up and move on after what you've said?? Well, if you seriously believe that, I'm sorry to shatter your amazing belief system, but I won't! Get the hint already! Whatever. You know who you are so yeah. I'm not gonna mention names. Spoiling my day with my best girlfriend! -screams- I'm pissed
Brighter note... Dad signed the HM form and wrote the cheque. So I'm going! It's confirmed. HM here I come
./ Spinning :: Honesty - Billy Joel
0 comments
0 comments
Realized my choice of vocab's been limited! Whatever :\ I hate you!
I don't wanna live another dayWithout you by my sideI don't wanna run anymoreRunning out of places to hideEver since you went awaySlowly I've seenThat I should've got down on my kneesAnd begged you to stay with me I should have. But I didn't. Oh whatever. I don't wanna think of you. It's irritating. Life is so "kind" to me. I'm loving it. Really I am. I love it so much I wish I would die now. Argh! I wanna go homeeeeee! I'm very homesick!! Daddy!! Take me home please? ./Spinning :: Homesick - Mercy Me
0 comments
October 11, 2004
0 comments
EVERY DAMN THING/PERSON IN THE WORLD LOVES IT! Watching me cry and bringing me DOWN. Yes, they've decided to have a "bring cheryl down" competition. Congratulations to me
Neways, flight's been pushed forward AGAIN. Oct 28 instead of 30. Will be back Nov 27 and HM's on Dec 1-5. Not looking forward. Feel the COMPETITION's not gonna end soon. Yay!
0 comments
October 10, 2004
Don't talk to me. I bite!
Useless and worthless right now. Don't come near me.
BYE
0 comments
October 09, 2004
Emotional rollercoaster ride.
And its times like these I really want THAT shoulder to lean on and to cry on. I want THAT hug from THAT *someone!
I pray for grace, favour and strength to get through! It's trying and I need all the grace I can get. I can never do this on my efforts
0 comments
0 comments
October 08, 2004
Don't get me wrong ok. I will be here if you guys need a shoulder. I'm just not in the whole social mood and I need to get away from certain stuff. Really, I WILL be here if you need to talk or just whine and complain. But I just don't have it right now to socialize and just hang with people. I strongly believe that this is a time out from the world that I need to take. Please understand ok my dear friends? I really believe that I will come out of this a better person and friend. And that God is bringing me to new heights.
0 comments
I don't feel the way I've ever felt.
I know.
I'm gonna smile and not get worried.
I try but it shows.
Just read some thought provoking stuff! Hmmms. Looks like I'll be thinking during my stats test later :\ Since I don't think and reflect while shopping. I just stone while I'm shopping :\ This isn't good! Never mind. I shall go off now... Gonna shop for shoes and maybe a new skirt. I realized I have a grand total of like 5 skirts of which I only wear 1 +faints+ Yeah, I hate wearing skirts :\ I need clothes and moolah! I'm hyper cause I'm gonna shop! Retail THERAPY should be banned. Cause it always makes me feel better for like 10 secs and after that, I get more depressed cause I think of the moolah I've spent on stuff I'm probably gonna wear/use only once +sighs+
--
Sha :x: Go here. It's very detailed. And the show is how addictive man. Take care babes +hugs
./Spinning :: Glory - Hillsongs
0 comments
October 07, 2004
I loved BS. Pastor's messages are getting better and better man. He is sooo annointed. I'm so glad to have such an annointed pastor man :)) Today's message was a message of hope! Amen. Yeap, don't look around at the cirsumstances, look to God. For He can turn your evil day into GOOD dayS! Amen. And I'm looking forward to my turnaround. I don't know how, I don't care how. But He will and I'm thankful for that :))
I FINALLY bought Wow Worship Red today! So nice. And I bought Mercy Me's new album too :)) I'm a happy girl. Gonna buy more sermon cds to bring along with me to Canada. I'm gonna missing a whole month of church :(( Oh and anyone wants to come for my church camp? It's gonna be fun!! I'm trying to drag as many people along as possible. Come :))
0 comments
Cute eurasian mommy's boy! :))
0 comments
Hmmms... I think I should STOP blogging. But it's like cutting off my right hand +faints+ I need to stop coming online.
0 comments
October 06, 2004
Thanks BryBaby! Haha. He's my lil EMO babybruddah! You're such a lil kid at heart la Bry! I lub chu alot ok!! Thanks for listening to my complains and whinings about having to carry the stuff over. And for searching high and low for the crap. And my precious precious emo babybruddah, thanks for the beeg beeg hug and for letting me cry on you! I appreciate it yeah lil boy? Heh. I'm talking to you like I would talk to my lil baby cousin. You asked for it. And it's ok to be emo. Emo's good. I like! Emo I mean :\ And don't worry too much about her okay? I'm sure she will be fine +huggies tight+ :P Chewel lubba her emo babybruddah Bwyan!
Talked a hell lot over dinner and while walking around. I just realized that he's a really sensitive guy behind that "I'm a jerk" image :)) Yay!! Another nice nice brudda to add the the list :)) I had a pretty good day today I guess. Despite bawling like a baby cause I missed someone too much :'( I really miss him. I do. Lols. Out of point! Anyways, I reckon I'm blogging too much already. So I shall bugger off now. Finally going to school tomorrow. After like goodness knows how long. Wish me luck. I so can't be bothered to wake up :\ But on the bright side, tomorrow's BS day!! Yay :D
I'm emotional and I can't let go I am trying to hold on to you Though it hurts me so ./Spinning :: Forever For Tonight - Blessed Union Of Souls
0 comments
Now here I sit, so far awayRemembering all the memeoriesIts times like these that I miss you mostRemembering when we were so close Oh yes, my mom called from office. I'm leaving Oct 30th instead. Cause my family wants to go for a short break over the weekend to Seattle and they want me to go along. I seriously think that I do not know what I want. I made the decision to go in the first place, mainly to get away from everything. To be alone for awhile and to reflect on stuff. But now, I'm regretting. I don't wanna go!! Cause I realized I'm not gonna be meeting alot of people who I was supposed to meet! +cries+ I miss everyone! But anyways, any shopping lists or requests FAST! And yes, did I mention that I'm basically miss FedEx or something. Cause I've got a whole big huge bag of stuff to bring over for them. And my aunt mailed me a whole LONG list of stuff to buy and bring over! Great! Not only do I have to carry it all by MYSELF, I have to BUY them and PACK them :\ Yes, I'm lugging TWO huge suitcases and a handcarry. Someone shoot me. Poor me :\ Thing is, only half of the big suitcase is packed with my things. The rest of the things are theirs. Cause I'm not bringing much clothes. Shopping there :)) So yeah. I'm basically doing courier service. And my parents want me to buy things back for them. And my brother wants me to buy a guit back for him. Since I'm going to states, he wants me to buy one from states +cries+ How am I gonna carry everything back? See. I'm complaining even before I go :\ Any kind soul wants to come and help me carry everything? I'm not, not sure,Not too sure how it feelsTo handle everydayLike the one that just passedIn the crowds of all the people I seriously hate the Singapore education system. Why can't everyone have holidays and exams at the SAME TIME? Not that I care about my exams. But WHY? Why must poly students have holidays different from JCs and all? I feel so alienated from the world! From my friends! I don't know how I'm gonna survive this whole social situation for THREE frigging years! Did I mention that I'm basically hanging with a grand total of THREE friends who I meet up with FREQUENTLY -- Ker, Bry and Jas! I guess it's cause I don't mix around with people in school :\ How to, when I'm not in school? I hate you SINGAPORE EDUCATION SYSTEM! I seriously HATE YOU! Don't they realize that some people actually have lives outside of poly? POLY SUCKS! No offence to poly people out there and all. But I HATE POLY! I FEEL SO STUPID TO ACTUALLY BE THERE! +sighs+ I just realized that this entry's really long and fragmented.
./Spinning :: Hello Again - Hoobastank
0 comments
October 05, 2004
Btw, I've got a coupla recordings of them. Though the sound quality ain't too good. Shall upload them when I find a way to open the files. It's in a weird format that NONE of my music players in my comp can open +crosses fingers+
--
Sam :x: Hmms. I'll try my best. Though I doubt they'd have snow there so early in the year. Can pray for snow though :P Then again, if I can't get snow, will mountain air do? Lols. Or rain??? Since the snow's gonna melt to water, I might as well bring rain back for you :P
Ching :x: Dear. I'm gonna miss you so much la can. I haven't seen you or talked to you in so long. And I'm missing you like crazy already. I think I'll die missing you when I go over. Thank goodness its only for a month. Imagine if I really went over to study?? I think I'd prolly drop out cause I miss everyone so much. Hmms, let's hope this is a GOOD break and that I'd be over him when I get back? Lols. All the best for promos ok?? +smucks+
Benji :x: When is the forgotten opening? I still have the day your exams end till end Oct what. That's 2 weeks for you. And the WHOLE of dec. Don't worry la, you'll still get your new year's eve outing :)) Happy now?? Bahh. Eh, of course I'd miss you la. How can I not miss my male bitch. And the worst thing is that I can never find a substitute for this male bitch of mine. Honored? Lols. Take care okies? And GOOD LUCK for promos! You will do FINE +hugs+
0 comments
Whatever. Will let people know when I'm leaving so you guys can mail, sms or whatever your shopping lists to me :) Am over at Ker's now. We're baking brownies and we made Bry go out and buy ice-cream from 7-11 :\ Yes, at this time cause Ker craved brownies and I wanted ice cream. Lols. Watched Raising Helen and I can't believe I freaking cried :\ Shite! This is so sad. I'm crying at the slightest things. Haha. Must be cause my mom called me and told me everything was confirmed. I'm supposed to be excited at the prospect of meeting up with Plink, Drea and my dearest cousin Zara. But somehow... Staying here, there's a slight chance that I MIGHT... So yeah :\ I'm lame I know. Alrighties, I'm off now. Gonna watch some more DVDs. I can't believe I lugged 6 DVDs around from my place, to Holland V then to her place +shrugs+ I'm in a weird mood
0 comments
October 04, 2004
Alrights, I think this template's really screwed. Oh wells. I gotta change the pic soon. But there's something wrong with my brushes in adobe -sighs- Great! Was supposed to go down to Sentosa with my class today. But thanks to some nice nice person -glares at Bry- who kept me on the phone till 5am this morning, I woke up at 2pm :\ Thanks dude! Gonna head down to holland v in a bit for dinner with Ker my darling!
Take me over when I'm gone
Take me over make me strong
Take me over when I'm gone
Will they burn for me
Will they burn for me
Haha. Random lyrics. Yes, I'm delirious and I've got a really dry throat :\ It's too hot and my brains are fried!
--
Jas :x: Hey babes! Thanks for tagging. Now can you see the tagboard? Lols. Same goes for you ok?? My phone's never off, unless of course I don't charge it. So you can gimme a ring and I'll fly down to your place :)) And maybe visit my bro's "GF" on the way :P Oops, he'll kill me if he sees this : Btw, I still haven't asked my folks :\ I really hope they lemme go though. Alrightys, I'll see you this fri or sat ok?? Campus on sat! Must go. You can go for young adults la :P
Kel :x: Woman! How's GP? DUH! Of course I'd make time for you. BUT, do you have time?? I miss you alot! Hmms I'm not that amazed la. I mean its her. Heh. I'm mean I know :P Btw, please make this kinda announcements on the phone instead of the tagboard. Seesh
Val :x: I didn't know you were clubbing la sweets! Besides, it wasn't THAT happening. Though the weird ass dancers were entertaining. There was this guy who looked like he was kickboxing. Man, they should've played kungfu fighting. Lols. And this gay guy who looked like he had a cramp in his hips :\ Anywhos, I will be seeing you soon. I don't care!! I miss you too much. And don't worry too much about the exams. You will be fine. Because I say so :P Take care darl *loves
You can stop the hurt insideWhen love and hate collide
0 comments
October 03, 2004
We don't talk the way we used to talkIt's hurtin' so deepI've got my pride, I will not cryBut it's makin' me weak To everyone having exams this week and next :x: GOOD LUCK people! Will be praying for you guys! All the luck in the world :)) *loves all
0 comments
Happy 17th Birthday Yang! Happy 17th, Marcius! You guys have fun on your birthday!
0 comments
October 02, 2004
If you feel the needTake my hand and share this night
Chinablack-ed with Jia, Jas and Jas's two friends. I'm surprised we (Me and Jia) got in with EZ-Links. Lols. And mine looks how fake. Ah wells. Crowd was BAD! The dancers were like... Never mind :\ Music sucked at the beginning, got better after 11? RnB :D Wanted to stay till closing or at least around 3 but my legs were aching and besides I told my mom I'd be back before 12. Lols. So yeah. For the best I guess. Since I'm so wide awake, I can do QT later! Am blogging cause I'm waiting doing some masque thing that I just bought :\ Hope it works!
And partly cause I have the sudden urgency to blog down some feelings. Don't ask me why. I don't understand it. I don't understand anything at all. Why in the world am I still thinking of him? While I was dancing, I had to fight hard to stop thinking and just dance +sighs+ And my goodness. I had like 4 people ask me today if I was over him! Isn't it written on my face or something? Bleah
On the other hand, I feel like God has been showing me signs. Insecure me! Been asking Him why I feel like He isn't answering me. Just these 2-3 days, He's been showing me signs and speaking to me in every way possible. Praise God :))
You might need time to think it overBut I'm just fine moving forwardI'll ease your mindIf you give me the chanceI will never make you cry, c'mon let's try
Val :x: Hey beautiful! I miss you toooo! I will try not to think. Shall think of you. Headaches would prolly disappear immediately. You take care aiights? And try not to worry too much over O's. You will get through it fine. After all, I survived it and so did many others! *loves Shall be dreaming of you
Yang :x: Yang ah. What in the world happened to your voice? You sound sooooo high pitched please. Goodness. DRINK WATER! -nags- Lols. Take care ok?? See you on tues if not earlier. +hugs
./Spinning :: To Make You Feel My Love - Josh Kelley
0 comments