.//cheryl-ann-
the beautiful disaster, hopelessly and recklessly needing the boy. giving this her all, the last semblance of trust left within. this is imperfection perfected, in her heart

[[she drowns in her dreams. an exquisite extreme, she knows. she's as damned as she seems, and more heaven than a heart could hold
she's soft to the touch. but frayed at the end, she breaks. she's never enough, and still she's more than one can take]]




.escapism
benji ching<3 daph epicurean marcus koh mel tan nana song xia yanqi eddie hui min junz michelle peiying sam terence* weihui annabelle anthony asher ashley belinda dunstan grace jingyi nikki adeline<3 ashley aurelia(: brian cheryl<3 cheryl ong eileen huimin izzie jamie jas<3 jia ker<3 marc mirah noven pearlyn ron rach rui sha shane theresa<3 wanling wyn yanxi val<3

.the dark room

.triggered. 051404 052504 052904 "Ride Of Our Lives" tuition peeps school Odds and Ends Canada 2004 HIStoryMakers5!! Choir :)) hangin' and chillin' sevens'05 day 1 sevens'05 day 2 May 22. 2005 Trinity Camp at Rawson St Kilda Masquerade Ball


.haunted past

May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005

October 22, 2004

I'm the world's most HORRID friend! I can't do anything right now. It pains me to see my friends like that, but I really am too overwhelmed right now. Yes, I think I'm selfish. I'm SORRY. SO SORRY girl! Maybe I don't wanna get too involved because it kinda reminds me of what I had before and I just don't wanna think about the pain and insecurity anymore. I just pray that God gives me the strength and grace to be a good friend. Someone who can be counted on. I'm nothing in myself! Seriously, I'm so selfish. I'm so caught up with my problems, I'm not the friend I was before.

I have sky high expectations of myself. And though people tell me to live contented with my life, I don't think I can ever be contented with my life unless I fulfil my expectations. Somehow, I feel that being contented with what I have is just COMPROMISING myself. I don't know. I guess that's the pride in me working? I don't know. Is having expectations of myself not trusting God? Is it not resting that trusting that He provides, that He is the Lord of my life?

I don't know how much longer I can go one living like this. Sometimes I feel that God refuses to do anything about my situation cause this is the only way I depend on Him daily for my strength to get through each day. This is the time when I truly depend on Him and Him alone. For I learnt the hard way. My constant labouring isn't gonna get me anywhere. But then again, I'm still going nowhere. Coming back to my expectations... I'm not contented with just getting through each day. I wanna go through each day with joy and peace. I think, what have I done wrong? What have I not done? What have I done? I don't know. I really don't understand His ways. And I don't seek to understand them. I just ask that He does something about this. Cause He can. There's NO doubt about it. But I wonder why He isn't willing.

I'm just so sick and tired. Really not contented with just getting through each day in a daze. If there's strength from Him to get through the day, I don't understand why He doesn't give me the joy and peace for it. Sometimes I really wonder... What I was put here on earth for. Sometimes I feel like I'm such a joke to Him. Like I'm some kind of an amusement to Him.

I feel like I need to talk. To who, I have NO IDEA! And when I find someone I can talk to, I find myself acting strong, like I've got it all together. What in the world is wrong with me?


+..all cried out..+ . [10:38 PM