.//cheryl-ann-
the beautiful disaster, hopelessly and recklessly needing the boy. giving this her all, the last semblance of trust left within. this is imperfection perfected, in her heart

[[she drowns in her dreams. an exquisite extreme, she knows. she's as damned as she seems, and more heaven than a heart could hold
she's soft to the touch. but frayed at the end, she breaks. she's never enough, and still she's more than one can take]]




.escapism
benji ching<3 daph epicurean marcus koh mel tan nana song xia yanqi eddie hui min junz michelle peiying sam terence* weihui annabelle anthony asher ashley belinda dunstan grace jingyi nikki adeline<3 ashley aurelia(: brian cheryl<3 cheryl ong eileen huimin izzie jamie jas<3 jia ker<3 marc mirah noven pearlyn ron rach rui sha shane theresa<3 wanling wyn yanxi val<3

.the dark room

.triggered. 051404 052504 052904 "Ride Of Our Lives" tuition peeps school Odds and Ends Canada 2004 HIStoryMakers5!! Choir :)) hangin' and chillin' sevens'05 day 1 sevens'05 day 2 May 22. 2005 Trinity Camp at Rawson St Kilda Masquerade Ball


.haunted past

May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005

May 30, 2005


GARY and YANG, ilu darlings <3
-playing the sweetest goodbye - maroon 5



+..all cried out..+ . [1:37 PM ]
0 comments

May 27, 2005

Sat down at the computer in an attempt to breathe life into this place. Then I realized I haven't regained my ability to gather my thoughts (or maybe I've lost it for good).

-shuffling In Between Evolution - The Tragically Hip


+..all cried out..+ . [2:51 AM ]
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May 25, 2005

babe. for taking me in at 1.30 in the morning, i love you! i know your on hiatus now but this is cheryl appresh time!
coffee.smokes.hugs.edgarchew
the soul sister, the older one who acts like the baby, i love you lar!

muchthanks,
melw



+..all cried out..+ . [1:43 AM ]
3 comments

May 21, 2005

ON HIATUS

-playing distopian dream girl - built to spill


+..all cried out..+ . [3:33 AM ]
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May 18, 2005

i just swallowed 6 tylenol ers and 4 advils with beer so edgar if i don't show up later, i'm dead from excessive blood loss and the meds. and if i do, thank you guys who've been great friends and i love you


+..all cried out..+ . [10:00 PM ]
2 comments

ARGHH


+..all cried out..+ . [9:09 PM ]
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Stop. Breathe. Wake up!

-playing chi xin jue dui :\


+..all cried out..+ . [2:04 AM ]
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May 15, 2005

I'm hating the flu bug alot. I'm surprised at my enslavement to making myself miserable. An aching body and a head that feels like fifty million orcs are running through it, aren't enough to stop me from falling into emo. MelW said once that I'm as emo as they come, took me quite awhile, but I'm finally seeing the light. Pardon this incoherent post, I'm having trouble sitting up as it is.

I spent the whole day camped in my room, with only the most emo of songs playing, cogitating the vicissitudes of life and relationships in general. Then I realized I've been wanting too much, been too ambitious, I thought the world, or rather, god might one day allow me not only to have *you as a friend, but *your love. But I should've known better, should've learnt from the many times I should have - in this world, when it comes to human interaction, to take what's offered, when it is offered and not ask for anything more.

-shuffling Straylight Run [ENHANCED]


+..all cried out..+ . [11:21 PM ]
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May 13, 2005

I've nothing much to post but I wanted to cause it's friday the thirteenth! Oh btw Freddy dropped by for a visit

::lameness::

-playing survivor on tv


+..all cried out..+ . [10:29 PM ]
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May 12, 2005

it's not enough. it's not enough. the one thing i count on to help me forget my life is in shambles just has to fail me. why am i not surprised? it simply refuses to help me purge the pain, and ignore the acute loneliness! it just refuses to split open this canvass, refuses to let the vile fluid out of the dam. DAMMIT!

-shuffling Home Is Where You Hang Yourself 2.0 - Her Space Holiday


+..all cried out..+ . [11:44 PM ]
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It's ironic how just a couple of days back, I was assuring Rik that he wasn't as lonely as he thought he was. Yet at this very moment in time, with a number of people on my contact list online and a cell phone with numbers of people, I feel alone. I can't seem to see anyone who'd care enough and understand. I feel stuck in this paradox of solitude; craving it yet needing someone to pour my heart out to. I'm starting to feel what Teri feels like; a sailor left to fight the rocky seas alone.

The days have been passing in a complete blur. It was over 70 days when I started counting down, and now it's just under 20 days. What seemed so surreal has just become real in what seems like a week. I don't know how to react to that. General expectation is for me to either be wistful or enthusiastic, but I feel nothing. I try to dig deep for some kind of emotion but I come up with nothing. I suppose months of repressing any sign of weakness in the form of emotion has rendered me more or less stolid.

Mused that maybe I never really loved *you after all. After all, I didn't go to the ends of the world for *you, didn't pull the stars down for *you, didn't take any punches or break any bones for *you. Wasn't self-sacrificing enough for *you. Probably a good thing *you left. I couldn't have done anything else for *you.

-playing suicide is painless - manic street preachers


+..all cried out..+ . [9:34 PM ]
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May 11, 2005

I'm seriously addicted to 'Eye for A Guy'! Denise Keller is hot! Shan is hot! That Wolfgang guy is hot too! And Christian is pretty cute. I know I'm probably the only one, but I cannot believe Romber didn't win the Amazing Race. I cannot believe it. I'm so disappointed in them! I think Rob's the hottest survivor. Grins.

8 days! Oh and George Lucas, I hate you so much! You screwed up episode 1 and 2. I hope you redeem yourself in episode 3! Urgh George Lucas, I hate you! And Hayden, I'm sorry, as much as I think you're cute, you sucked in episode 2! I still can't believe I sat through almost 3 hours of a love story (THREE times; I'm that much of a nerd). And that adorable little kid made episode 1 feel like the Home Alone series (too cute)

-playing the amazing race on tv


+..all cried out..+ . [10:53 PM ]
1 comments

May 10, 2005

I just want to say a big THANK YOU to T, Junz, Huimin, LPY, Yingliang, Mikael, Sam, Mich, Jerry, Eddie, Ah Lim, Kaiwei and Ren for the wonderful time today!! Thank you guys! <33!! I promise to come back to school when it reopens to visit you guys ok?? ((: THANK YOU ALL!

On another note, I was reading an article in today's 'Lifestyle' about Jack Black being a musical nazi in the show 'High Fidelity', and I realized I'm more of a music nazi than he is. So here, I proudly proclaim that my musical taste is too cool for you people out there (: How I love myself for being so cool sometimes. And don't bother asking me what I listen to, cause it's wayy too cool for you.

Alright, I had my moment. Now back to the real world

-playing something so cool you never knew it existed


+..all cried out..+ . [11:28 PM ]
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I'm in love. They are simply gorgeous, coupled with the quaint story Zannie spun, I'm in love!


The Queen Anne's Lace.

-playing all that i've got - the used


+..all cried out..+ . [2:08 AM ]
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May 06, 2005

I was packing my stuff and I started reading through the cards, encouragement notes, letters and tiny slips of papers (notes, passed around during lessons) that I've accumulated over the years. Thank you guys (everyone who's slipped me a note, a card, a letter, postcard or whatever) for your encouragement, care, concern and love. I've actually alot more to say but somehow I can't articulate my feelings right now. Even if I were blind to all that God has given and done for me, I could never be ignorant to the fact that He has graced me with you guys. Yes, I know we've had our fairshare of petty arguments, fights, misunderstandings and on my part, a whole load of tears, but I still love you guys for who you are. The different character traits that each one of you have just makes my life a whole lot more interesting (: I love you all for who you truly are, and your hearts. So don't you guys dare give up on yourselves and always be true to yourselves because there's always someone here who loves and treasures your exactly the way you are (: Thank you

A friend is, as it were, a second self.
(-Cicero)

-playing house of jealous lovers - the rapture house


+..all cried out..+ . [6:47 PM ]
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May 04, 2005

Life isn't supposed to be too complicated isn't it? But unfelitiously, everyone has to make choices, and I made that trenchant decision. I'm not regretting it. But sitting alone at home, with Def Leppard playing really set the scene for a time of cogitation.

I might think about the life I might have had, the life *you might have had, if *we'd never met. But *our choices lead *us to *our future, and I made a choice a long time ago, without even realizing it. I don't know if my choice will leave me to die a decrepit troglodyte, but what I do know is that my decision came from my heart and I'm not regretting it.

And as much as I try to deny anything every happened between *us (in hopes that denial would one day erase any trace of feelings I have), I could never pretend that *we didn't happen, that I didn't fall in love with the (to me) perfect guy who I'd gladly give up everything for. I couldn't act like I don't lie awake at night wondering what *you've done that day, like I don't ache for *you every moment *you're not with me. I could never convince myself that I don't love *you. I don't even remember when it happened, when I realized that I'll never be able to stop loving *you. But I do know that loving *you has become normal for me. I have no other normal to go back to. This is it!

*you held my hand and then *you slipped away. and i may never see *your face again, so tell me how to fill the emptiness inside. without love, what is life? and anyone who knew *us both could see *you were always the better part of me. i never wanted to be this free. all this pain does it go away?
; then everytime i turn around, and *you're nowhere to be found. i know i got a long, long way to go, before i can say goodbye to *you. oh, i got a long, long way i know, before i can say goodbye to all i ever knew. to *you, to *you
from memory, there is no hiding place. turn on the tv and i see *you there. in every crowd, there's always someone with *your face. everywhere, trying not to care.

-playing long, long way to go - def leppard


+..all cried out..+ . [3:29 AM ]
1 comments

May 03, 2005

I'm feeling incredibly inept right now. I can't seem to put my thoughts into words, yet there's this need to get everything out before my insides explode. I tried talking about it, but I realized that I should write and not talk; everytime I talk, I annoy myself more. I sound alot like an ahlian when I talk. Maybe because I don't pay attention to my grammer, vocab and sentence structure. The noisome tone of my voice probably contributes to it too.

Lately, friends have been coming up to me, asking why I'm pushing myself so hard even before I leave. They've expressed concern that I might burn out when I get there. It was then that I realized that I was pushing myself for no reason. But I can't stop! I've this pernicious need to prove myself, to prove that I'm not too stupid for *you, that I'm not as stupid as everyone presumes, that I'm my father's daughter (funny how this came up).

No one understands this. Try as anyone may, no one can understand this. Of growing up having the world around you disappointed in you; a world where all you hear are the daily deprecations of your parents and everyone else around you. Then there's the visceral self-reproach that comes along with it. Imagine eighteen years of your life with your parents disappointed in you, yet pretending like they've accepted the sad fact of life that their daughter (supposedly the brains in the family, the extent of stupidity in my family doesn't surprise me) will never make it big. Imagine living with that your whole life!

Even if it deranges me, I will do everything I can to prove myself. If not to humor the world around me, then to palliate my need.

;i'mstillwaiting

-playing the sound - further seems forever


+..all cried out..+ . [12:43 AM ]
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May 01, 2005

My epiphany is killing me. I'm not liking it one bit.

-playing song for a blue guitar - red house painters


+..all cried out..+ . [12:49 AM ]
0 comments