.//cheryl-ann-
the beautiful disaster, hopelessly and recklessly needing the boy. giving this her all, the last semblance of trust left within. this is imperfection perfected, in her heart

[[she drowns in her dreams. an exquisite extreme, she knows. she's as damned as she seems, and more heaven than a heart could hold
she's soft to the touch. but frayed at the end, she breaks. she's never enough, and still she's more than one can take]]




.escapism
benji ching<3 daph epicurean marcus koh mel tan nana song xia yanqi eddie hui min junz michelle peiying sam terence* weihui annabelle anthony asher ashley belinda dunstan grace jingyi nikki adeline<3 ashley aurelia(: brian cheryl<3 cheryl ong eileen huimin izzie jamie jas<3 jia ker<3 marc mirah noven pearlyn ron rach rui sha shane theresa<3 wanling wyn yanxi val<3

.the dark room

.triggered. 051404 052504 052904 "Ride Of Our Lives" tuition peeps school Odds and Ends Canada 2004 HIStoryMakers5!! Choir :)) hangin' and chillin' sevens'05 day 1 sevens'05 day 2 May 22. 2005 Trinity Camp at Rawson St Kilda Masquerade Ball


.haunted past

May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005

May 03, 2005

I'm feeling incredibly inept right now. I can't seem to put my thoughts into words, yet there's this need to get everything out before my insides explode. I tried talking about it, but I realized that I should write and not talk; everytime I talk, I annoy myself more. I sound alot like an ahlian when I talk. Maybe because I don't pay attention to my grammer, vocab and sentence structure. The noisome tone of my voice probably contributes to it too.

Lately, friends have been coming up to me, asking why I'm pushing myself so hard even before I leave. They've expressed concern that I might burn out when I get there. It was then that I realized that I was pushing myself for no reason. But I can't stop! I've this pernicious need to prove myself, to prove that I'm not too stupid for *you, that I'm not as stupid as everyone presumes, that I'm my father's daughter (funny how this came up).

No one understands this. Try as anyone may, no one can understand this. Of growing up having the world around you disappointed in you; a world where all you hear are the daily deprecations of your parents and everyone else around you. Then there's the visceral self-reproach that comes along with it. Imagine eighteen years of your life with your parents disappointed in you, yet pretending like they've accepted the sad fact of life that their daughter (supposedly the brains in the family, the extent of stupidity in my family doesn't surprise me) will never make it big. Imagine living with that your whole life!

Even if it deranges me, I will do everything I can to prove myself. If not to humor the world around me, then to palliate my need.

;i'mstillwaiting

-playing the sound - further seems forever


+..all cried out..+ . [12:43 AM