.//cheryl-ann-
the beautiful disaster, hopelessly and recklessly needing the boy. giving this her all, the last semblance of trust left within. this is imperfection perfected, in her heart

[[she drowns in her dreams. an exquisite extreme, she knows. she's as damned as she seems, and more heaven than a heart could hold
she's soft to the touch. but frayed at the end, she breaks. she's never enough, and still she's more than one can take]]




.escapism
benji ching<3 daph epicurean marcus koh mel tan nana song xia yanqi eddie hui min junz michelle peiying sam terence* weihui annabelle anthony asher ashley belinda dunstan grace jingyi nikki adeline<3 ashley aurelia(: brian cheryl<3 cheryl ong eileen huimin izzie jamie jas<3 jia ker<3 marc mirah noven pearlyn ron rach rui sha shane theresa<3 wanling wyn yanxi val<3

.the dark room

.triggered. 051404 052504 052904 "Ride Of Our Lives" tuition peeps school Odds and Ends Canada 2004 HIStoryMakers5!! Choir :)) hangin' and chillin' sevens'05 day 1 sevens'05 day 2 May 22. 2005 Trinity Camp at Rawson St Kilda Masquerade Ball


.haunted past

May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005

April 01, 2005

It's times like these I just wanna smack myself right on the head and scream. I'm not supposed to love *you, not supposed to care. Not supposed to want *you right here next to me. Not supposed. But why do I still? It's frustrating to keep forcing myself to swoon and think every other guy is cute or hot or whatever else, hoping that *you're not all that I think *you are. Equally frustrating trying to convince myself I don't care about *you anymore. I don't even know what these tears are for. I wish they would purge everything that I feel right now. But instead, I'm drowning in them. I'm trying so hard to disengage myself from emotions. I want to be completely devoid of feelings and emotions so I wouldn't have to care about *you anymore. I'm just not sure of anything anymore. Just yesterday, I felt the pain had obtunded but I woke up this morning to antipodean feelings.

I wish time would just accelerate, and become May 30. Maybe then I wouldn't have to think of *you. When the verity that all I should think of for the next few years of my life, is burying myself in work, hits me right in the face. Perhaps that's just how I'm programmed to be. To always go through the cycle of making a myriad of mistakes then having them come back and kick me right where it hurts. Rik said something a few days back to me. That I'm never satisfied with what I have. There's always this sense of wanting more, of knowing that there's more out there for me. In others, it works well. It pushes them to do more, to strive for what they want. In me, it's simply deleterious! So now, what on earth can I do, what else can I say but let me go home!

I'm attempting to actually write well. I realized my english has retrograded over the past year. With three quarters of my language punctuated with singlish and the other one quarter, broken chinese. Then again, I might just be letting my depression affect that ability I once had to write. I really want to be able to be like before, where I'd be able to pick up a pen, and words (in proper english) would just flow. I miss sitting around, letting my mind wander, and see those random thoughts alchemize into writings. I really need to be the old me, the geek, the loser. At least then being happy wasn't a major achievement. I've divagated from what I set out to blog. I hope this is a sign that I'm getting back into the flow of writing again

-shuffling absintheglow (self titled)


+..all cried out..+ . [1:59 AM