.//cheryl-ann-
the beautiful disaster, hopelessly and recklessly needing the boy. giving this her all, the last semblance of trust left within. this is imperfection perfected, in her heart

[[she drowns in her dreams. an exquisite extreme, she knows. she's as damned as she seems, and more heaven than a heart could hold
she's soft to the touch. but frayed at the end, she breaks. she's never enough, and still she's more than one can take]]




.escapism
benji ching<3 daph epicurean marcus koh mel tan nana song xia yanqi eddie hui min junz michelle peiying sam terence* weihui annabelle anthony asher ashley belinda dunstan grace jingyi nikki adeline<3 ashley aurelia(: brian cheryl<3 cheryl ong eileen huimin izzie jamie jas<3 jia ker<3 marc mirah noven pearlyn ron rach rui sha shane theresa<3 wanling wyn yanxi val<3

.the dark room

.triggered. 051404 052504 052904 "Ride Of Our Lives" tuition peeps school Odds and Ends Canada 2004 HIStoryMakers5!! Choir :)) hangin' and chillin' sevens'05 day 1 sevens'05 day 2 May 22. 2005 Trinity Camp at Rawson St Kilda Masquerade Ball


.haunted past

May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005

April 03, 2005

I realized yesterday that it's been too long since I last conversed with God. I was watching the OC (so what's new) and I just started bawling when I saw Summer and Seth work out their differences. I just wanted to cry out to anyone and anything, I was repressing all my emotions, in a futile attempt at disengaging them from myself. Out of despair, I just cried to God. Somewhere during that time, He reminded me again that I'm His, His precious daughter. It's somewhat assuaging. I'm not gonna prevaricate in an attempt to appear all spiritual. I shall admit that after that intimacy with Him, I still feel decrepit and completely worthless. It's times like these that I wonder what it would take for me to snap out of this state of whatever this is (yes, I can't even begin to explain this). But whatever this is, I'm not gonna let it (once again) estrange me from my Father and BestFriend! Like what Pastor said, "Rest and if God doesn't come through, FINE." Yes, I'm just gonna spend time imbibing His love, and if that doesn't help, FINE. It just means that I'm programmed like that, doesn't it? I'm too spent to try extirpating whatever's consuming me from the inside. If God doesn't do it, then no one can. Why should I even bother then.

Strangely enough, I'm not lugubrious at all about leaving. I despise myself so much sometimes. I know I can't handle certain truths yet I persist until I find out the truth. And now, the truth comes around and slaps me right in the face. Yes, I can't deal with it. Ignorance is bliss. I know and understand that totally. But I foolishly probe around till I unearth the painful truth. And because I propel myself completely (mentally, emotionally and physically) into finding out the the truth that's been hidden from me, I find it so raw that it hurts so much! This time, I'm walking away. And I pray that by walking away, something good will come out of it. Whatever happens, I believe that God is for me. As I've said before, it doesn't matter how much I care and love *you, *you have her and that's all that matters to *you. I'm just but something inconsequential in *your life! Hurts to know, but the pain's sort of obtunded.

how many times have *you told me, *you love her? as many times as i wanted to tell *you the truth. how long have i stood here beside *you? i lived through *you and *you looked through me

-playing solitude - evanescence


+..all cried out..+ . [10:57 PM