.//cheryl-ann-
the beautiful disaster, hopelessly and recklessly needing the boy. giving this her all, the last semblance of trust left within. this is imperfection perfected, in her heart

[[she drowns in her dreams. an exquisite extreme, she knows. she's as damned as she seems, and more heaven than a heart could hold
she's soft to the touch. but frayed at the end, she breaks. she's never enough, and still she's more than one can take]]




.escapism
benji ching<3 daph epicurean marcus koh mel tan nana song xia yanqi eddie hui min junz michelle peiying sam terence* weihui annabelle anthony asher ashley belinda dunstan grace jingyi nikki adeline<3 ashley aurelia(: brian cheryl<3 cheryl ong eileen huimin izzie jamie jas<3 jia ker<3 marc mirah noven pearlyn ron rach rui sha shane theresa<3 wanling wyn yanxi val<3

.the dark room

.triggered. 051404 052504 052904 "Ride Of Our Lives" tuition peeps school Odds and Ends Canada 2004 HIStoryMakers5!! Choir :)) hangin' and chillin' sevens'05 day 1 sevens'05 day 2 May 22. 2005 Trinity Camp at Rawson St Kilda Masquerade Ball


.haunted past

May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005

December 12, 2004

Shikes. With my new choice of crack Bob Dylan, I'm praying very very hard that I don't fall into that dark hole again. I don't know. Jingyi's right. Depression sinks in really fast after camp. Cause you're so hyped up for God and when you come home and see the mess around you, it's hard to focus. It's hard to keep your focus on Jesus and what He has finished!! It's really hard. But one thing I've discovered about myself post-camp is that I've grown alot. I used to let myself just fall. I just grabbed whatever pills and sharp objects I had and just shut myself up. But after I just allowed myself to be loved by Jesus for those 4 days, I just can't bear to do anything to myself now! I really thank God for loving me so much and for making me feel like I do have some worth.

Things aren't exactly going smooth right now. And the past few days, I felt I was fading fast. Fading into the shadow that I was. And I was kinda worried this morning that I wouldn't feel His presence. But somewhere during praise and worship, I felt Him tell me that He loved me. And even during service, while pastor was preaching, He reassured me again that I was His little girl. And really, it means the whole world to me. Cause I'm just that weird kinda person who needs to be constantly showered with words. Even if your actions don't show it, just shower me with words and I'll be happy. Yes, I'm a manic. Sometimes I wonder why I haven't been admitted to an institute, but I believe its God's grace! Anyways, my point is that I just wanna tell everyone who's like feeling down that if you have Jesus, you won't feel depressed for long. Your turnaround is coming soon!! And you're PERFECT in His eyes cause He perfected you with His precious blood! I'm really NO MORE ashamed of the gospel no more. I used to be afraid of talking about it. Scared that people would judge me and whathaveyou. But my identity's in Christ and I'm thankful it is :)) So really, don't lose hope. He is always there to give you strength and He will bring Light to your darkness!

Haha now my mind's like in this whole depressed state but I'm feeling God's love! Can I be anymore schizo? Like honestly. My mind's a whirl. But I feel so blessed and so at peace. :\ I'm being brutally honest

++



*xue: My dear, we were supposed to :'( I miss you la. When can you make it busy woman?? *loves

mel: Uhm I wasn't the one who said it. How am I supposed to know? Ask Benji la. His dear said it not mine. Lols

Jingyi: Hey girl. Amen :)) I'm really thankful for the growth. So thankful for His grace and His GREAT love!! It's really amazing how He touches your heart and makes you yearn for Him. The feeling is really indescribable you know. Lols. Honestly, I'm still unsure about the whole potential and cg thing. Somehow I don't feel enough for the cg. I really don't know. Part of me wants to do it yet there's this other part saying no!! And praying about it isn't like bringing me anywhere. I don't know. I don't think I have the heart for this cg. I mean I'm being very very honest with you here, I dragged myself to the previous cg meeting cause I kinda told you I would go. That's all. I mean it isn't about the fun part. It's like I see other cgs sharing so much and bonding spiritually and our cg's like one big mess. Ah I don't know la. I expected alot for the cg or maybe from the cg. I don't know but I know I expected a whole lot and I was disappointed. I don't know if I can ever expect again. Get what I mean? And yes, I believe that God brought us closer for a reason! And only He knows. But since He ordained this friendship, let's just trust Him to keep it together. Don't labour to keep it strong. For He will strengthen it and when He strengthens it, nothing and no one can tear it apart amen? Look to Him and not to me or our friendship :)) Take care girl. And yes, we'll hang out soon!! :))

Bry, cause you people mix the most disgusting things ever. McFlurry with ketchup, chilli, pepper, oyster sauce (!?!), and I can't remember what else. Hey!! 3 spoonfuls was horrible please! Anyways, the vid was crap la. One could only hear me. Lols

Ker sweetums, it wasn't that bad really! Compared to what you guys made me drink, it wasn't bad! Lols. Bah, I kinda miss hanging out. We gotta do that soon aiights? Loving you my sweetums. And don't worry too much about Dan yeah? I mean they're only two ways out so it's pretty much up to you. Just don't end up like me!

--themix : tomorrow is a long time - bob dylan


+..all cried out..+ . [8:38 PM