.//cheryl-ann-
the beautiful disaster, hopelessly and recklessly needing the boy. giving this her all, the last semblance of trust left within. this is imperfection perfected, in her heart

[[she drowns in her dreams. an exquisite extreme, she knows. she's as damned as she seems, and more heaven than a heart could hold
she's soft to the touch. but frayed at the end, she breaks. she's never enough, and still she's more than one can take]]




.escapism
benji ching<3 daph epicurean marcus koh mel tan nana song xia yanqi eddie hui min junz michelle peiying sam terence* weihui annabelle anthony asher ashley belinda dunstan grace jingyi nikki adeline<3 ashley aurelia(: brian cheryl<3 cheryl ong eileen huimin izzie jamie jas<3 jia ker<3 marc mirah noven pearlyn ron rach rui sha shane theresa<3 wanling wyn yanxi val<3

.the dark room

.triggered. 051404 052504 052904 "Ride Of Our Lives" tuition peeps school Odds and Ends Canada 2004 HIStoryMakers5!! Choir :)) hangin' and chillin' sevens'05 day 1 sevens'05 day 2 May 22. 2005 Trinity Camp at Rawson St Kilda Masquerade Ball


.haunted past

May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005

July 18, 2004

Yes, I know I haven't been blogging in a while. Just had no mood to do anything. Only highlight of the week was BayBeats yesterday. Not that the atmosphere was much good, the music was rocking though. Gonna get the cds of the bands that performed yesterday. Alrights, that was all crap. Trying to distract myself from this pain.
 
Still thinking of him, still missing him, still loving him. But I guess all that doesn't mean shit to him. He chose to walk away, from what we had. Going from being a part of his life to being nobody sucks. Knowing that I'm not able to tell him that I still do care and I still do love him sucks. Yes, life goes on whether or not I love him, but this life I'm living right now is so empty. It's lifeless. It's just a physical existence because I've lost what I was living for.


 
I toss and turn in bed
Can't get you out of my head
Even though you're so far away
I need you here with me
Oh boy, why can't you see
That I can't live without your love
When I close my eyes
I think of you
Well I wish I had you here with me
But there's nothing I can do, oh oh

Counting every day that goes by
And the tears that I cry (tears that I cry)
You don't wanna love me no more
Wish that you could hold me tonight
I'm hurting inside
Cause you don't wanna love me
Cause you don't wanna love me
Love me no more

I tried to call your phone
But you ain't been at home
I need to find out where you are
So I can make you see
That you belong with me
For me there is no other love
When I close my eyes
I think of you
I wish I had you here with me
But there's nothing I can do, oh oh

All I know is that I can't live without you
Ooh, but I wanna know
What made you feel this way
I'll be right here for you (right here for you)
And everything that you do (thing that you do)
But how can I get close to you
When you don't feel the way I do, ah hah


 
I guess for everything that I've said. It can only be concluded that I still am not putting God first in my life. I'm putting him first and being upset over something that isn't there anymore. Yes, like I've said before. I know all these but when it comes down to feeling it, I just can't help it. Everytime I look at myself in the mirror, I see myself missing a part of me.
 
So much shit has happened these past few days. School has been a drag. I don't even know why I'm going to school. I don't wanna be there. I don't wanna spend the next 3 years of my life living what my dad wants me to live by. I don't want that kinda life. And it's this that has sparked off the many quarrels between me and my parents lately. They just don't understand that I DON'T WANNA DO BUSINESS! I DON'T WANNA LIVE MY FUTURE IN THE FINANCIAL WORLD! What's the use of spending your whole entire life in the financial world? +sighs+ This isn't gonna get me anywhere. Money isn't everything. Yes, it can never buy happiness. Cliched but true.
 
I don't even know why I'm typing so much here. Been writing alot lately. Half the time, I don't know what I'm writing about. Ed and Rik read some of the stuff I wrote and they kinda wanna use it as original material. I don't know. I feel they are just crap but well. My writing is getting worse. It gets worse with every new piece I write. +sighs+
 
Sometimes I just feel like my life is a lie. I feel like there's no reason for me to be here. I feel like even when I pray, there's no faith involved. It's become like a ritual +sighs+ Yet, God is so good, He gives me strength to get through each day. Pastor Joshua is right, if I can't see how amazing God's love is for me, He will continue showing me His love till the day I fully realize the magnitude of His love. Till then, I'm still a lost sheep, searching for comfort in the arms of my Father.
 
"For this is like the waters of Noah to me;
For as I have sworn
That the waters of Noah would no longer cover the earth,
So have I sworn
That I would not be angry with you, nor rebuke you.
For the mountains shall depart
And the hills be removed,
But My kindness shall not depart from you,
Nor shall my covenant of peace be removed,"
Says the Lord, who has mercy on you
(Isaiah 54: 9-10)
 
 


+..all cried out..+ . [8:44 PM